I now know why everyone stresses so much about this finals thing.
IT'S INTENSE! I NOW KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
{before, i didn't know what the whole fuss was about. But when other subjects overtake your mind and all of the sudden you forget what you've learned in class, it's a bitch to try and cram weeks'/months' worth of material into a few days}
and that's why i deserve a mental break for the time being.
Finals come at such a bitchy time. I have one today, in about 12hrs, and i'm still studying like crazy for it. Not only that, but i noticed that i've been breaking out recently. Originally, i thought it was because of the food...but, as I found out today...
[boys, close your eyes, this it TMI...and I warn you NOW]
Aunt Flo decides to pay me a visit.
oh yeah, it's the monthly reminder that never fails to amaze me...it proves the fact that i'm a GIRL.
sigh. I forget that sometimes, to be honest.
DAMNIT.
[you can open your eyes now. it's about to get worse. jk.]
Izanami, Izanagi....Amaterasu....I'm about to be driven UP THE WALL.
svetambara...digambara...Lao Tzu, PLEASE. Tao te ching, HELP ME.
The sad part that makes little children cry and little kittens get caught in mouse traps is that I have one test today, 2 tomorrow, and...the next one isn't until FRIDAY.
Lord help me. I have that huge gap to study...but why so far? ehh...i really want to go home.
I'll go bang my head against a Torii now.
Anyone else glad it's near Christmas time?
Monday, December 10, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
should I do it?
So, I have a week break in February (25-29...something along those lines), it's my spring break...but it makes sense since our school year ends at the end of April. Anyway, I was contemplating whether or not I should risk it again and make another trip up to CS. of course, my friends are telling me to go ahead and do it, and I want to, I want to see what the school has become. But there lies the issue of who is going to take me back down to the train/bus station? the closest i can get to Conserve is Wausau, that is if i don't freakin' miss the train again. I would have to take it and go to Appleton since that's where my ride is going to be...if I do go, it'd be Birkie weekend and that'd be totally awesome if I could make it and see all the skiers! I wouldn't ski since my inner fat kid (i'm not joking...) has overtaken me and i'm eating as unhealthily as possible...oh if my mom could see me now! It's hibernation time and the heat in my room somehow is broked. so my roommate and I sleep all the time. well, my reason to sleep is so I can avoid being cranky, yes, I do get cranky when I haven't had a nap. My roommate has gotten sick twice. Me: none. I win.
This is probably the most times i'll go back to CS. next year I probably won't visit as much, i'll probably go home with a friend or stay on campus. But i hate being here along, I get all depressed and stuff. I might make it at the beginning of the year next year, just to see some peeps and go during that summer-fall between period. That's my favorite time to hang out. And of course, i'll go for graduation. Maybe i'll have some friends out here in the East I can probably visit. And possibly make some overseas trips...but that's still under construction. Hmm, that thought kind of reminds me of a poem that my 7th grade english teacher made us remember; I still remember some bits and pieces of it: I dwell in possibility, a fairer house than prose. Numerous of windows, superior for doors. I didn't take that seriously until senior year, when I realized unconsciously how true that is. Oh, time certainly is the best teacher.
Anyway, back to the topic of this entry....should I do it? I somewhat have the financial resources, but it's the lack of people up north...that make is a little impossible. I also hate barging into people's schedules. But as a great man, Cesar Chavez put it, "you are never strong enough that you don't need help."
Man, my ears are warm and my hands are freezing. crazy. I like to travel. but, I must be off. The library is open 'til 2am but i must head back soon...i got some studying done, but as usual, I get distracted.
This is probably the most times i'll go back to CS. next year I probably won't visit as much, i'll probably go home with a friend or stay on campus. But i hate being here along, I get all depressed and stuff. I might make it at the beginning of the year next year, just to see some peeps and go during that summer-fall between period. That's my favorite time to hang out. And of course, i'll go for graduation. Maybe i'll have some friends out here in the East I can probably visit. And possibly make some overseas trips...but that's still under construction. Hmm, that thought kind of reminds me of a poem that my 7th grade english teacher made us remember; I still remember some bits and pieces of it: I dwell in possibility, a fairer house than prose. Numerous of windows, superior for doors. I didn't take that seriously until senior year, when I realized unconsciously how true that is. Oh, time certainly is the best teacher.
Anyway, back to the topic of this entry....should I do it? I somewhat have the financial resources, but it's the lack of people up north...that make is a little impossible. I also hate barging into people's schedules. But as a great man, Cesar Chavez put it, "you are never strong enough that you don't need help."
Man, my ears are warm and my hands are freezing. crazy. I like to travel. but, I must be off. The library is open 'til 2am but i must head back soon...i got some studying done, but as usual, I get distracted.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
consume in moderation
Today in German class, we learned all about Christmas. Because, to quote my German teacher: "You cannot have a German class without talking about Christmas!"
We watched a video about German Christmas customs. We learned all about St. Nick and the scary hay men who take the older sisters out to pubs when they go around the houses giving presents to the little boys and girls. At the end of class we had marzipan, raisin, and rum cake. 'Twas delicious and the closest thing i'm going to get to alcohol in a loooonggg time. Finals is next week and all I want to do is sleep. I need to study tons since i'm not doing as well as I like in a lot of my classes. I still have to pick my classes for next semester.
I thought this would be a long entry, but right now, nothing comes to mind. I think once the weekend comes along, sometime inspirational will hit me and i'll get the writing bug. Until then...
We watched a video about German Christmas customs. We learned all about St. Nick and the scary hay men who take the older sisters out to pubs when they go around the houses giving presents to the little boys and girls. At the end of class we had marzipan, raisin, and rum cake. 'Twas delicious and the closest thing i'm going to get to alcohol in a loooonggg time. Finals is next week and all I want to do is sleep. I need to study tons since i'm not doing as well as I like in a lot of my classes. I still have to pick my classes for next semester.
I thought this would be a long entry, but right now, nothing comes to mind. I think once the weekend comes along, sometime inspirational will hit me and i'll get the writing bug. Until then...
,give me a title!.
i need to write a long post about the side effects of winter.
Love like winter, indeed.
Love like winter, indeed.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
it's december
I am ready for a break. It's been a long first semester. I've been registering in my mind all that goes on because I have nothing better to do :)
Things have been full of spontaneity recently. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? it's certainly nerve-wrecking sometimes. I planned out a trip out to the Midwest, and I can't tell you how many times i just wanted to give up and not even bother going...i wanted to let those $130 go to waste and not even bother with getting out there.
But in the end, there are people that are willing to lend out a helping hand to anyone. Thanks to that, I was able to have one of the best thanksgivings yet, and one of he most bittersweet as well.
Bittesweet, why? I felt like returning to my old school brought back memories of how i hadn't really properly said goodbye to the place. I mean, I was there for 4 years. I only really felt bitter and sad the day before I graduated. I don't think I'd cried harder anytime before that, but it's hard to make friends a few months before graduating, and then leaving them behind for what you think is the next step in your life. I went back and saw a few of them, not the whole group of people that "rebelled" towards the end of the year. I know now that I have stronger bonds and that I have people that will back me up no matter what, although we might have different views and have different backgrounds.
Well, enough with my friends, the holiday season is finally here! I remember how last year I was so...not very happy about it, but this year I am actually uber excited about it. It's weird, my old school was a non-denominational campus so we couldn't really post banners all over the place wishing everyone a merry chrsitmas or whatever they celebrated, but this year, my college is affiliated with the Methodist church, so we can actually now have "Christmas trees" and "wreaths"! I found it weird that most of the "Christmas" cards now have "happy holidays" or "have a merry season filled with joys and peace". It was hard to find a batch of the Christmas cards at Family Dollar. So whatever you believe in, happy Hanukkah! just kidding, happy holidays. keep the faith.
Things have been full of spontaneity recently. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? it's certainly nerve-wrecking sometimes. I planned out a trip out to the Midwest, and I can't tell you how many times i just wanted to give up and not even bother going...i wanted to let those $130 go to waste and not even bother with getting out there.
But in the end, there are people that are willing to lend out a helping hand to anyone. Thanks to that, I was able to have one of the best thanksgivings yet, and one of he most bittersweet as well.
Bittesweet, why? I felt like returning to my old school brought back memories of how i hadn't really properly said goodbye to the place. I mean, I was there for 4 years. I only really felt bitter and sad the day before I graduated. I don't think I'd cried harder anytime before that, but it's hard to make friends a few months before graduating, and then leaving them behind for what you think is the next step in your life. I went back and saw a few of them, not the whole group of people that "rebelled" towards the end of the year. I know now that I have stronger bonds and that I have people that will back me up no matter what, although we might have different views and have different backgrounds.
Well, enough with my friends, the holiday season is finally here! I remember how last year I was so...not very happy about it, but this year I am actually uber excited about it. It's weird, my old school was a non-denominational campus so we couldn't really post banners all over the place wishing everyone a merry chrsitmas or whatever they celebrated, but this year, my college is affiliated with the Methodist church, so we can actually now have "Christmas trees" and "wreaths"! I found it weird that most of the "Christmas" cards now have "happy holidays" or "have a merry season filled with joys and peace". It was hard to find a batch of the Christmas cards at Family Dollar. So whatever you believe in, happy Hanukkah! just kidding, happy holidays. keep the faith.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
break!
Well, i'm taking the plunge and traveling alone. I'm off to WI tomorrow morning!
Today was great, I basically was on a natural high the whole time. It was awesome. I skipped Calc, finished my paper for one of my classes, and in that same class, we were let out early.
It's been a great day. The week was rocky since I was still looking for someone to give me a ride down to Lewistown, turns out all I had to do was ask around.
This is a much needed break. i've been stressing too much over the little stuff. I almost had a panic attack on Monday night, it'd been a rough day, and on top of it, people weren't really helping me out.
It's weird to go back to my old school. I used to yearn for an exit, but now i miss the smallness of it, the close-knit community we were. We didn't need to spend a lot of time together, we just needed stuff we could do with our friends. I met most of my friends during classes or sports. But i'm glad i've moved on to the college level, there's a lot more freedom and a lot less restrictions to everything. I feel like my life is slowly slipping beneath my feet, but if i make the best of it, it will all turn out alright. I'm excited to take Amtrak for the first time. It's one of the only transportations I haven't taken. I've been in a yacht, so i've been on the seas. I feel like i'm going to a pre-historic period :)
I wonder who knows i'm coming. I tried to make it a surprise, but a lot of my friends like to be loud mouths. mm...my hair still smells a little like NYC. I've fallen in love with that city. There's so much to do and see, it's not even funny. My inner ADDness went crazy while I was there. I'm excited to be with some of my friends again.
*Dec, 1. 2007*
I didn't finish the post, nor did I correct it because I still feel the same way.
I miss that hell hole sometimes, but it's for various good reasons. I saw my friends, and they are the constant reminder of why i still have faith in humanity :)
I miss them all terribly, and it's those attachments that make me bitter, i guess. But who the hell cares, i'm happy now.
Today was great, I basically was on a natural high the whole time. It was awesome. I skipped Calc, finished my paper for one of my classes, and in that same class, we were let out early.
It's been a great day. The week was rocky since I was still looking for someone to give me a ride down to Lewistown, turns out all I had to do was ask around.
This is a much needed break. i've been stressing too much over the little stuff. I almost had a panic attack on Monday night, it'd been a rough day, and on top of it, people weren't really helping me out.
It's weird to go back to my old school. I used to yearn for an exit, but now i miss the smallness of it, the close-knit community we were. We didn't need to spend a lot of time together, we just needed stuff we could do with our friends. I met most of my friends during classes or sports. But i'm glad i've moved on to the college level, there's a lot more freedom and a lot less restrictions to everything. I feel like my life is slowly slipping beneath my feet, but if i make the best of it, it will all turn out alright. I'm excited to take Amtrak for the first time. It's one of the only transportations I haven't taken. I've been in a yacht, so i've been on the seas. I feel like i'm going to a pre-historic period :)
I wonder who knows i'm coming. I tried to make it a surprise, but a lot of my friends like to be loud mouths. mm...my hair still smells a little like NYC. I've fallen in love with that city. There's so much to do and see, it's not even funny. My inner ADDness went crazy while I was there. I'm excited to be with some of my friends again.
*Dec, 1. 2007*
I didn't finish the post, nor did I correct it because I still feel the same way.
I miss that hell hole sometimes, but it's for various good reasons. I saw my friends, and they are the constant reminder of why i still have faith in humanity :)
I miss them all terribly, and it's those attachments that make me bitter, i guess. But who the hell cares, i'm happy now.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
It's been so long. i sorry!
For a few weeks, I forgot about my commitment to write in this blog. I Sorry!
anyway, i've been busy with work (for about 10% of the time) and i've been going back to this website: http://www.onesentence.org/
the one that made me realize how life is really fucked up is this one:
"The idea of letting your children choose their own path in life is thrown out the window when your three-year-old declares they are going to be either a doctor or a Walmart cashier when they grow up."
Where has this world gone to? I remember when I said I wanted to be a teacher, a doctor, a police officer, hell, one of my friends mentioned she wanted to be a bus driver. I don't know why it bothers me so, but a walmart cashier? oh man.
I've been thinking about the idea of having children, if you'd asked me about 2 years ago, I would've probably said I wanted to have 4-5 children. But now, after all that high school crap and finally hearing reality out in its full-blown force, my answers will vary from: "kids? why the hell would anyone want any of those?" to "well, maybe one or two, so I can teach them the true path of life early on and leave my own legacy for the world >=D"
So, now I'm in college, am I really on the right path to success? Do I really have to be in debt up over my head in order to find a way to make my life work out until the day I die? What if I plan to take a different path? Is it just me or does every college student go through this phase? I don't even know if it's a phase anymore, i've been questioning it for such a long time now. What i'm afraid of doing is that i'll be going into the wrong thing and I won't be able to dig myself out of it and I won't be able to fix it and i'll be miserable.
Should I just let things work itself out? I have a hard time pinning down what I want to do in less than 4 years. It's scary to think that in that time, i'll be out in the world alone, reminiscing on schooling. Since that is the only thing i've known for the past 13 years.
anyway, i've been busy with work (for about 10% of the time) and i've been going back to this website: http://www.onesentence.org/
the one that made me realize how life is really fucked up is this one:
"The idea of letting your children choose their own path in life is thrown out the window when your three-year-old declares they are going to be either a doctor or a Walmart cashier when they grow up."
Where has this world gone to? I remember when I said I wanted to be a teacher, a doctor, a police officer, hell, one of my friends mentioned she wanted to be a bus driver. I don't know why it bothers me so, but a walmart cashier? oh man.
I've been thinking about the idea of having children, if you'd asked me about 2 years ago, I would've probably said I wanted to have 4-5 children. But now, after all that high school crap and finally hearing reality out in its full-blown force, my answers will vary from: "kids? why the hell would anyone want any of those?" to "well, maybe one or two, so I can teach them the true path of life early on and leave my own legacy for the world >=D"
So, now I'm in college, am I really on the right path to success? Do I really have to be in debt up over my head in order to find a way to make my life work out until the day I die? What if I plan to take a different path? Is it just me or does every college student go through this phase? I don't even know if it's a phase anymore, i've been questioning it for such a long time now. What i'm afraid of doing is that i'll be going into the wrong thing and I won't be able to dig myself out of it and I won't be able to fix it and i'll be miserable.
Should I just let things work itself out? I have a hard time pinning down what I want to do in less than 4 years. It's scary to think that in that time, i'll be out in the world alone, reminiscing on schooling. Since that is the only thing i've known for the past 13 years.
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